Calling in Good Karma: Gratitude of an Entrepreneur
Foreword: As I get asked often how I am doing and where I am it in my new life, this is my current state. Warning: it is sappy.
The other day I received a text from my (former) cleaning lady just saying hi and that she hopes I am well. I realized that I may not have told her I had left my job (a little more info on that here) and would be taking a break from her services, which hurts a lot. I have no shame in admitting that I loved having someone else clean my condo. I messaged her back about that and she responded that she wants to come clean for me without me paying. She was actually rather insistent and at that moment, without explanation, I started crying.
I kind of thought I was having a mini-meltdown and that I had finally lost my sanity. Like that was the moment that I was legit crazy. Why did that make me cry for fuck’s sake?
Was it that I had become a charity case?
No, I knew it was not that. I knew it was her way of saying thank you for what I had done for her over the years. I sent many friends her way that became her clients too. Also, anytime I cleaned and purged my condo (which I did dozens of times over the 7 years she cleaned for me) I gave her all of it. I had stuff I did not need and I knew she would get it people who did. And I never thought twice about it or like it would be ill-received. Yet, when I know her gracious offer was done as a way of saying thank you, I almost refused to accept it.
And then I started thinking of all the kind things my friends and family have done for me since I left my job which resulted in more tears. I recalled all my friends who treated me to lunches, dinners and drinks when I passed the NASM Certified Personal Training exam. To my brother who flew me in on miles to see my family in December. To the friend who gave me a beautiful Christmas present as a thank you for all that I had helped her with as her mentor that year. To a friend who has an extra ticket to see The Book of Mormon who wants to take me, her treat. To my esthetician who has thrown in some complimentary services. To the owner of the CrossFit I joined asking me to write for their blog. Then to my cleaning lady’s offer. I lost it. I totally lost it.
And I realize and I know in my heart, nobody has offered or done any of these things, or the countless other things not mentioned, out of obligation or out of charity. They did it because either they are paying it back or because they just genuinely support me and want to see me succeed.
And that’s why I lost my shit.
One of the ironic things is I do not do favors or “acts of kindness” out of obligation. I consider myself highly loyal and won’t think twice about doing something for someone else. I do though to be frank, get put off whenever someone justs “expects” me to do something. If that makese sense. And I know that everyone who comes to mind as supporting me is the same. They are not doing anything thing because they feel like I expect it. They are doing it because they want to.
And that is why I keep crying when I try to wrap my brain around it. I know I am loved. And I know I am supported. There is just something about having it manifest in ways that I never dreamed of or expected. Because if there is one thing to know about me, it is this. I have never been handed anything nor have I ever governed my life based on what I felt entitled to. I have had to work for everything I have ever had from money to relationships to my own happiness.
I have been given opportunities in my life, like jobs, that I had no real qualifications for. But I was offered them because people recognized my integrity and work ethic and I proved to them I was capable. And it is very much the same reasons why I am being given so much love right now. It is a reflection of who I am which is very humbling and extremely overwhelming.
There are certain times in life that we expect to receive things, like on birthdays. We expect to receive gifts and cards and dinners out and text messages wishing us all the best. And it is not that we take them for granted. But it is different when gifts in any form and acts of kindness happen when we do not expect them.
I have had said a million times since knowing I would be leaving the corporate world that I have been astonished at how much support I continuously receive. I have lost count of how many times people have told me I am brave or inspiring. Every time someone tells me that or does something for me, the impact still affects me profoundly (and can be measured in tears!) And if anything, the more it happens, the more grateful and assured I become.
(Also, just a warning if you have not picked up on it yet, basically if you do or say anything nice for/to me, you might turn me into a gushing emotional mess.)
I also know that all this love and support is validation that this whole new business venture, this new life is meant to be. It’s all going to be ok. Correction. It is going to be amazing.