When Did Social Media Become The Jerry Springer Show?

Ok ,soooo the title is a tad bit exaggerated but it got your attention, didn’t it?

I have no shame in admitting I love social media. For the most part.  Although, with social media being a quick and easy way to reach many people, there has become this acceptance or license to use it for a few different things that really, in my humble opinion, are beyond what the boundaries should be.

 

  1. Being overtly sexual.

Ok so just don’t do it. People generally do not want unsolicited comments and messages that are sexual. I wrote a whole post on that which is here.

 

  1. Medical diagnosis/advice.

It is one thing to ask for suggestions on things like what stretches to do for a tight hip flexor or asking if anyone has a recommendation for knee sleeves. It is another to detail symptoms of extreme pain in your back expecting someone to give a medical diagnosis. OVER SOCIAL MEDIA. What happened to calling our doctors and scheduling an appointment?

 

Comparing one’s symptoms to someone who comments is not exactly an approved way to diagnose. Just because someone has similar pains or symptoms does not mean their diagnosis are identical.

 

And I know people have the best of intentions in their comments, but they are not medical professionals. Go find out what is going on with you so you can heal and back to your regularly scheduled programming.

 

  1. Aggressively pushing your beliefs onto your followers.

I see a lot of posts about important topics that 100% should be socialized.  Often though, the commentary that someone posts along with it is this sort of “you are stupid if you do not agree with me” kind of mentality. (Politics and gun bans immediately come to mind). It is admirable to be passionate about a cause, but insulting one’s followers’ intelligence in an attempt to persuade them is 1) not effective 2) puts them on the defense and 3) is disrespectful.

 

Take vaccinations for example. I see a lot of posts from both camps: anti-vaccinations and pro-vaccinations for children. I personally, for the record as someone who has no kids, have no opinion on the matter which is why I am using this as an example.  If someone wants to sway people in the other camp, do so with kindness and education. Do not do it by telling them they are terrible parents if they do or do not vaccinate. Because again, 1) it is insulting 2) it is not effective and 3) it is disrespectful. Nobody wants to be told they are a bad parent and they are not likely to be open to considering anything after a comment like that.

 

  1. Publically bashing people.

There is this thing called diplomacy. It is ok to tell a story and give perception and insight, when done respectfully. I do this as much as I humanly can when I blog (because believe me, there are times I reference personal stories that it takes every ounce of my being to not let the New Jersey come out of me).

 

It is another thing to air dirty laundry, spew just pure hatred directed at someone and play the victim with the right to say anything and everything without a filter.

 

I for one do not want to see a public feud between supposed friends/family on Facebook (and sadly I have seen this many times). If someone has an issue with someone else, but cannot exercise diplomacy when in a public venue (because Facebook is public any way you look at it. It is not a conversation between 2 people when you have even just 1 follower).  Take it offline.  End of story.

 

 

  1. Rewarding bad behavior.

 

On Social media, often what happens in the case where someone, for example, publically bashes someone else, people who think it is a little crazy town most likely are just going to scroll right past it without commenting.  The people who do take the time to comment are buying into whatever the person is selling. Perhaps the person posting felt someone said something really rude to them or they had a big fight with their parent or friend or whatever it is. Again, if they are not telling a story or making a point respectfully and with diplomacy, they are likely victimizing themselves. And so people comment like “You are inspiring! The other person is the devil!” or “OMG you are so great! You are sooooo right to be sooooooooooo upset!”

 

They are not challenging them for the other details (aka the other side of the story and or the details that perhaps were conveniently left out). Nor are they saying, “Hey, maybe you should take that post down and go talk directly to your friend.” They are just validating whatever the person is saying and feeling. They are essentially rewarding bad behavior. And all that it does is make the person feel righteous.

 

I can totally go down a rabbit hole with this one. And I will.

 

It perpetuates the problem that people think it is ok to be unfiltered, hateful and acting victimized. We obviously cannot prevent people from posting such things. We can though opt to NOT comment on them. People posting like that WANT the attention. So duh, if they are not given attention, maybe they will stop posting.

 

 

There are always boundaries. There are things that make sense to do on social media and then there are things that cross the line into perverse, ignorance, hate, and lack of sensibility. I try to govern my life outside of social media by all that is good. Good energy, good people, good discussion and just plain old respect. Facebook can go so far past what is good that perhaps it can be reined back in a smidge or so.

 

 

 

 

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Think You are a Leader? 5 Things You Ought To Check Yourself On

Foreword: I am using the word “leader” quite loosely in this post. I have very strong opinions of what a GREAT leader is. I also know that many people are self-proclaimed leaders when in actuality they do not know the first thing about being a leader. So when I have references in the negative about a
“leader” in this post, please know it is that latter group that I am referring to. I also do not mean to insinuate that any one of my readers is a bad leader

I also apologize in advance for the rants (they are too good to omit though right?)

The other night when I was hanging out with friends, the topic of zodiac signs came up. A friend said to me, “Oh you are a Leo. You must be stubborn.” I laughed and said, “so they say”. Because really, do stubborn people ever admit they are stubborn? I followed up with this though, “I am definitely stubborn when it comes to the principle of things and being ethical.  I have a hard time letting go of something when I do not agree with it.” Which is where this post came from. Leadership is something I take oh so seriously and it drives me insane knowing there are people in this world running around proclaiming to be leaders. They mistake their rank or title for leadership. They mistake teaching the ropes on social media as coaching. They mistake publicly bashing people (on their team!) over Facebook with “being organic.”  Ok, I digress a little bit. But the point of that last statement is that being a leader means knowing the difference between being diplomatic yet honest with being disrespectful and malevolent.

Without further delay, let’s get into what a good leader is NOT.

  1. A good leader never wants someone on their team who does not want to be there.
    I have never believed in holding anyone back or preventing someone from pursuing other options or doing anything to advance their career. Sometimes being a leader means accepting that you will be a stepping stone. People change and morph as do their needs. Just because someone does not need us anymore, does not mean we did a terrible job leading and coaching. It just means we gave them what they need to keep moving. Keeping anyone who wants to be there creates resentment and imbalance in a team. If someone finds another opportunity that aligns with their goals, a good leader supports that. It is not a personal attack necessarily. And if it is, then that leads me to the next point.
  1. A good leader recognizes a learning opportunity when they see one.
    Deflecting or projecting an issue that someone brings to a leader’s attention is most likely indicative of an insecurity, arrogance and just being stupidly lacking in self- awareness. There are moments that come our way that are blessings not punishments. Having someone express a concern, even if it IS directly targeted at you, is your chance to rise above it. There may just be some truth to what they are saying and if you are a good, solid leader, you will think about it from another perspective.If someone cannot handle feedback, to be totally blunt, they have no business being in a position of leadership. Period.And furthermore (oh snap I used “furthermore”), if someone cannot handle feedback from a manager, a peer, a subordinate, anyone in the workplace, chances are they cannot handle it anywhere else in life. Which I will say for the millionth time, that is indicative of immaturity and a lack of self- awareness. I have zero patience for people who are always the victim. It is never them.
  1. A good leader does not dismiss someone’s opinion or feelings.
    Anytime we communicate with someone, whether it’s a boss, a peer, a friend, a spouse, a customer service rep (seriously, who likes being told as a customer you are wrong?), we want to at a minimum feel validated. Whether you agree or not is beside the point. People want to feel heard. There is nothing more frustrating than trying to have a conversation and have your points completely not understood and ignored. Literally it is like talking to a wall. A wall that you probably want to punch. So, if a “leader” is completely missing your points, know when to take that battle up with someone else who can influence them or merely just walk away (and plan your escape route. Seriously). Some battles are better left untouched.
  1. A good leader does not manipulate.
    Manipulation can come in many forms and pretty much every time it is a control thing. To my first point earlier, keeping someone on a team when you are the only person who has the power to relinquish them is straight up manipulation. Telling someone how much you have done for them and how much they owe you is manipulation.  Telling someone in one breath how highly you think of them and in the next how much they have disrespected you is also manipulation. Be honest and be real. People think they are sugar coating things when really they are trying to either confuse the hell out of someone else or manipulate a situation to make them feel like they are back in control (which for real, who wants to deal with that?)
  1. A good leader does not have an attitude of entitlement when someone wants to leave.
    Warning: This one gets me especially fired up.
    Sure, there is going to be disappointment at losing a good resource, but good leaders do not harbor resentment about it. A good leader knows that people will move on at some point and no matter how much they may have done for that person, they have the right to move on.Putting in a few days or a few months or a few years training someone does not make them yours. They are not indebted to you.

    And having someone leave is not even always a bad thing. It could be opening an opportunity for you or someone else. Because often you have to let go of something to get what you really need.

    Really though, I am calling bull shit on anyone who feels that they cannot release you because releasing YOU is DISRESPECTFUL to THEM. Putting in time training is part of the job description and it is not wasted time (for anyone). I get so fired up because I once had someone who refused to release me because she felt like she put in months of her time training me which is time lost that SHE will never get back. (Those were her words, not mine).

    Case and point. That shows immaturity and spite, which again, are not exactly cornerstones of being a leader.

    Being a leader is not an easy thing even for those who have that gift innately. It takes cultivating, training, real life experience and most importantly a whole lot of humility (and a whole lot less of ego). I am grateful, truly, for my past corporate life. I was given an opportunity to lead and it is something I have always taken seriously.

    Leading is not about me. It is about other people.  It is about inspiring others around me and not draining them. The main common theme of every single example above is that it shows a mentality of only thinking about oneself instead of others.

    Having a “me me me” attitude is the antithesis of a leader.

    There are a lot of things you can fix in this world when it comes to issues with people, but you cannot fix  those who are ignorant or irrational, especially when they are in the height of their “it is all about me” way of thinking.

    Perhaps for some of these “leaders” they will have that “Oh snap” moment and have some over due self-reflection. I just know for myself, I cannot stick it out around those types waiting for them to figure out. And neither should you. It is okay to walk away from a “leader” when they are downright irrational and overly emotional. As the kids say today, you do you.

Much Like Rompers, Our Culture Is Embracing Job Changes and Here Is Why

Foreword:   I by no means have researched or solicited stats or professional opinions. It is my own speculation, but I challenge you to disagree! (I am THAT confident in this post).

Back in the day, it was not unusual to have conversations that started with a leading question: “If you were to have a different job than the one you have today, what would it be?” And people would talk and fantasize about all the jobs they could do if it was not for feeling financially strapped or for fear of the unknown or for the fear of starting all over again. Today though, that mindset has shifted significantly. People are not just fantasizing and daydreaming, they are making new realities and lives for themselves. I have conversations like this regularly with friends who have indeed made a big career change or are considering it. (Please note, by “big career change” I do not mean switching from working at Whole Foods to Trader Joe’s or from being a Project Manager to a Scrum Master. I mean like holy- shit- am –I- really- doing -this kinds of switches. Giving up working in finance to sell skincare. Or giving up working as an engineer to be a teacher). With that in mind, the question though that I often think about is: compared to ten, twenty years ago, WHY? Why are we as a society and culture finally embracing and encouraging drastic career changes?

One underlying reason is social media and technology, which has many layers and reasons within itself. Technology has replaced the need to either physically be in the office or in person to get shit done. Back in the day, we had big old clunky desktop computers that we could not access unless we parked our asses at our desks where said computers were lodged. If we had to work late, we were at the office.  If we had work to do for an external client, we often had to be onsite wherever that client was. If we had early calls to make, we had to be in the office. Work was just very office centric.

If we wanted to sell something, it was either old school door- to- door (think Tupperware or Mary Kay makeover parties) or we had to sell from a store. Today, there is a robust virtual presence which enables us to do so much more from really anywhere.

My point is that we have many more liberties thanks to technology in which we can conduct business or work.  What this means is that people are growing out of the traditional working environment. It is inspiring us to discover different ways to work and it also for many of us, is reminding us that more customary desirable jobs used to be in offices, are now well, less desirable. I also recognize as I am beginning my journey of promoting ketones, I do not need much to do that.  I do most of it from my phone in fact. I could be at the pool, at the beach, in Santa Barbara for the day and it will not hinder my business. This is proving to be very enticing indeed, and I completely understand the draw people have to being entrepreneurs and not necessarily being confined to an office.

Social media in itself is an, albeit obvious, reason why people are switching careers. It is far easier to spread our message to the world. Not everything is word of mouth anymore or expensive marketing. We have access to get things out there way faster than we used to be able to. For those who grew up in the 80’s and 90’s (and earlier), remember when we actually MAILED hand written letters to friends? We did not have text messages and long distance calling was expensive (and obviously we had no concept of Facebook or Instagram). Today, you can put a message out with just a few clicks on your phone and reach thousands of people. This makes it so much more expedient for people to market themselves or their businesses. Plus, they get instant feedback which can be the encouragement someone needs to consider changing careers.

Social media also entices people for more than just a marketing perspective. It is enabling us to connect with people we may not know or otherwise have access to. This means we have so much more of an awareness of what other people are up to. Remember your fellow college graduate who worked in finance? Well guess what, you saw her post that she quit Wall Street to become a chef. We see virtually firsthand more and more people who are actually making career changes. Plus another popular trend (that I hope is here to stay) are all the inspiring messages and memes people are posting. All of this is almost like propaganda at its finest (and I mean that in the most positive way. Seriously). It is feeding our souls and minds with ideas, inspiration, and encouragement to stop ignoring those gut feelings of being unsatisfied. Back in the day, it was not as common to hear of people switching careers. People tended to just suck it up and ride it out until they could retire. To deviate was intimidating but today we are inundated with stories of people doing it- and being successful but more importantly, happy. It nourishes ideas and thoughts that people have that had it been twenty, thirty years ago, they would have squashed instantaneously.

On a different note, we no longer live in a world where we are so tied to a job because of things like pensions. They just do not really exist anymore. I am sure all you twenty something’s who have been in the workforce for a few years have virtually no concept of a pension nor are depending on ever seeing one come to fruition. People stayed at the same company for thirty, forty years because they had those pensions. Their pot of gold at the end of a rainbow.  The light at the end of the tunnel. They had a very real financial benefit to stay put. With that not being a current reality, people are more likely to switch companies and even careers. There is a sense of freedom that the world is our oyster and it opens our eyes to possibilities. People’s relationships with companies are different. Without the incentive to retire well from there, it has become more common for people to make career changes.

And I get it. It is really hard financially to walk away from a stable job and a stable income to follow our hearts. But it can be done because of how different our world and cultures are today

Another reason I truly believe that is attributing to people following their hearts and their passion is the exposure to all the different possibilities that are out there. I remember career day when I was in high school, and it featured the usual stars: an accountant, a teacher, a doctor, a finance guy and a police officer. All fine and respectable jobs of course.  But what about all the other careers that are out there? What about Yoga Instructors? Life Coaches? Business Analysts? Architects? It is not that they did not exist (I mean come on, I am not THAT old!) There was just much less exposure. Networking was much more in person and by chance.

Today though, there is just so much more exposure due to social media and the internet. People have more information at their fingertips at any given moment. (Not like when I was 16 having to do any kind of research on microfiche. Don’t know it? Google it!)  It is why people more so today than yesterday are switching jobs. They are reassessing career decision they made as 21 year olds because they have had more exposure to the crazy wonderful breadth of professions and opportunities out here.

Ok so I feel as if I am only scratching the surface. I am sure if I were to either dig more within or actually research online, any one of these points could be a blog post in itself.  So having said that, I want to leave you with only one more reason why people are making career changes as above all else, it is the most inspiring.

I truly believe as a society, we are becoming more spiritual and I mean this in the purest form. When I say spiritual, I think of it as like we are taking better care of ourselves when it comes to our mind and mental health. Not just physically. Remember walking past that little tiny section in Barnes and Noble for “Self Help”? It would be embarrassing to be caught perusing that. Weren’t those books for all the weirdos who just couldn’t get their shit together? Today though, whether we realize it or not, we often browse the self-help section, figuratively speaking of course. We are meditating more, taking yoga classes (ok well everyone but me is taking yoga). We go to healers. We go to therapy. We go to shamans. We talk about our feelings. We find all these incredible people and mediums who are not just telling us how to “cope’ with stress and suck it up; stay at those jobs we do not like. They are teaching us to follow our hearts and find our purpose in life. They are encouraging us to make changes, and let go of what we know. Move towards the unknown and trust. We give up foods that are bad for us. We give up relationships that are toxic. We now give up careers and jobs that we find our hearts are no longer in.